My Imperfect World

THE WORLD HAS CHANGED...

2008-12-26T20:53:00.000-08:00

But I have not.

The past year has been extremely busy. And, you probably didn't want to hear from me, anyways.

So, you'll be hearing a whole new batch of rants from me come January.

Stay Tuned...

UH-OH

2008-01-26T01:51:00.000-08:00

I just got a very interesting video on the MySpace page from BOBBY L.A. HIPHOP and, normally I don't usually do this, but... well, watch the video and see for yourself.

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Iconoclasm (Only Terrorists like Freedom)
Date: Jan 25, 2008 6:30 PM

THIS VIDEO IS BEING CENSORED ON YOUTUBE! THe VIews ahve been Stable for over 2 hours at 19,094! They are also taking down comments!

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Nick C Supports Ron Paul 4 President 2008
Date: Jan 25, 2008 9:25 PM

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Vote 4 Ron Paul 2008
Date: Jan 25, 2008 9:07 PM

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: **SHAWDIE**
Date: Jan 25, 2008 10:13 AM

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Ron Paul Needs Delegates + Precinct Leaders NOW!
Date: Jan 25, 2008 9:52 AM

New Hampshire Voting Fraud caught on tape-REPOST

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Joe
Date: Jan 25, 2008 11:46 AM

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Truth Hurts ~ A Pain Necessary To Cure
Date: Jan 25, 2008 9:33 AM

Wow......this process leaves a WHOLE LOT to be desired.........

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Revolution Solution
Date: Jan 25, 2008 9:19 AM

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Abr4ham for Ron Paul 08
Date: Jan 25, 2008 12:08 PM

That's the same look I gave my parents when I was younger and knew I had been caught doing something wrong.

thanks:
Ron Paul for president in 2008! - Manny, CT

OK... Now what?

2007-12-26T02:58:00.001-08:00

The day after Christmas is my personal New Years, and I have a few things I wanna get off my chest.

Did I do everything I wanted to do this year? Name someone who has.
Did I try to do everything I wanted to do this year? Name someone who hasn't.

And now that Christmas is over, are we all going back to being bastards as we do every year?

Only one way to find out.

Bring on 2008.

I don't wanna be the guy to say I told you so, but...

2007-12-01T01:39:00.000-08:00

Apologies to WTAM's Kevin Keane, but...

I can't live
If living is without you
I can’t live
I can’t give anymore
Can’t live
If living is without you
can’t give,
I can’t give anymore
(Badfinger/"Without You"/No Dice/Apple Records/C: Pete Ham & Tom Evans)

Lebron scored two triple-doubles in three games so far. And everyone's still mad about Yankeegate.

Then came the Pistons game. Lebron sprains his finger.

"OH NO!"

Wait... what happened to all the "traitor" talk? Where's the Lebronx jokes? Where's the whining and the bitching about the Yankees cap?

Welcome back to riding Lebron's jock, Cleveland.

I knew it.

Shaking his head...

2007-10-21T20:45:00.001-07:00

Q: How you can lead a series 3-1, and then blow it?!
A: The curse continues.

(Look, I wrote this when Youkaris widened the lead to 11-2, it's obvious that we're done.)

Don't blow it next year, Indians.

Leave LeBron Alone!

2007-10-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm not impressed by LeBron James. Having watched basketball during The Jordan Era, not a damn NBA star has impressed me much. Having said that, I have only one thing to say...

It's a hat.

It's just a goddamned hat.

Most of my hometown is up in arms over LeBron wearing a Yankees hat to a Tribe game. Let me make a few points right now.

1. The dude's from Akron. He probably was a Yankees fan before he started playing for SVSM. He's not just gonna jump horses because Cleveland's demanding "city unity". (Where was the "city unity" when the little girl got shot in a crossfire? Or when the 14-year old boy shot up SuccessTech?!)

2. As long as he wears that Cavaliers jersey, does anybody care what hat he wears?

3. And we all know that as soon as basketball season starts, all these people screaming "Traitor" at Lebron are gonna do a helluva lot of jock-riding.

So stop all the bitching and whining about LeBron wearing the damn hat and back off.

Until he starts playing for Jigga.
Or he wears a Steelers cap.

An Open Letter to Chris Crocker

2007-10-06T01:56:00.000-07:00

(Emailed to his MySpace and on his YouTube).

Dear Chris Crocker,

No, we can't leave Britney alone. This past Monday was the reason why.

I had a bad feeling that what happened Monday was gonna happen. When I heard that, I thought back to a comment I made on your YouTube about "nobody caring about Britney" and "they're phasing her out".

I was wrong.

The woman needs help.

I cannot speak for the media, but I feel that for one moment in their greedy lives, they were not ripping her a new one. It's tough love. Those babies ending up in the care of America's Favorite Parasite was not what the media wanted. Nor did they want to see her meltdowns (i.e. shaving her hair, flashing, a performance at the VMAs which drew mixed responses).

Basically, the bottom line is that it should have never gotten to that point. It should have never come to this.

Whatever is wrong in Britney's life is her responsibility. She needs to fix it. Immediately. And leaving her alone won't help either. Britney Spears needs to take back her life, because if she doesn't fix it now, then the parties and the boozing and the irresponsibility will be all she has, because she won't have anything else (K-Leech already has the kids, gue$$ what the greedy ba$tard'$ he'$ coming for next).

Am I the only one who feels blaming the media isn't gonna help Britney?

Or is it just me?

Thanks for listening,

Felix

Things That Make Me Angry

2007-08-27T03:01:00.000-07:00

It's time for me to ramble on endlessly. Sorry, but I wouldn't miss this for the world.

"After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss." -- Joe Pantoliano as Cypher, The Matrix (1998)

It's been six years since we added some new words to our vocabulary. Let's go over them. Hanging chad. We learned about Osama. Anthrax (nottheband). Taliban. Al-Qaida. Ground Zero. Political correctness. Wardrobe malfunction. Where the hell was all that before all this crap came down?! And why wasn't it released sooner? Is our country telling us something he don't know?!

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." -- Thomas Szasz

I'm not a dog person, I hate dogs, but can somebody tell me what Michael Vick was thinking?! Dogfighting? Gambling? Drowning dogs? OK so they were pit bulls -notdogsbutteethwithlegsandspeed- but that $#!t wasn't cool! See you in five, Michael.

Senator Bathroom Boy Craig... you shouldn't have pled guilty, jackass.

And Don "I'm Not A Racist, That's What's So Insane About This. Imus!" Imus is suing for his job back, and a girl on the Rutgers women's team is suing him. He wants to screw CBS, but he's gonna end up taking it in the rear anyway either end.

How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! -- Bible, Samuel i. 25

First, that Benoit shit. Then sagging ratings. Now, this. WWE has suspended 10 Superstars for violating the "Wellness Policy". Vince McMahon's doing a helluva job running his company, innit? Wrestling fans, if you still really really really need your WWE fix, skip the programming, and plunk down $50-60 for the latest SmackDown! Vs. RAW instead... it's much better than the shows have been anyway, right?

But that's just my opinion.

"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." -- Lynda Barry

Lisa "You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man (IV)" Nowak now is able to swim with her kids, lace up her Navy uniform boot and exercise -- all without the hassles of wearing a global-positioning device strapped to her ankle.The Navy captain, accused of attacking her romantic rival at Orlando International Airport, complained that the half-pound monitor got in the way of her lifestyle.

I wonder if they let her keep the diaper?

"I was shooting blanks just like Kevin Buchanan!" -- Tuc Watkins as David Vickers, One Life To Live

OK, I'm done ranting. Thanks for listening.

Too close to home...

2007-07-08T20:05:00.000-07:00

I got a call from one of my friends in Lakewood about Robert Joslin, the Lakewood, OH-area man who was killed at his job.

Turns out his sister was my friend's ex. I know those people.

My heart and sympathies go out to the family and friends of Robert Joslin and everyone else affected by this tragedy.

Carry That Weight

2007-06-26T13:26:00.000-07:00

What a messed-up world this is. Let me vent...

Let's talk about Jessie Davis...
They found Jessie. And her married boyfriend is charged with the deed.
How can they give this "rogue officer" who is accused of murdering her and her unborn child $5 million bond? They should have remanded bond, isn't it standard procedure for a murder case?! Yes, he's a fricking cop... he's held to a higher standard than the rest of us. And a two-year old boy is left without his baby sister & mommy and Patty Porter has to outlive her child. This is an unfortunate happening. Which brings me to...

Chris, Nancy, and Daniel
I'm sure that for all you wrestling fans, like myself, June 25, 2007 was a sad day in the wrestling world. Earlier that day, WWE wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and 7-year-old son Daniel were found dead in their suburban Atlanta home. An AP report had Nancy in her office, their child in his bedroom, and Benoit was found hung in the weight room. Based on that, the case has been ruled a murder-suicide. We may never know what really happened to Benoit and his family; we're only going by the police rulings. Maybe Benoit did take out his family and take his own life afterwards, forever tarnishing his wrestling legacy. I don't know. Remember, we don't know. And whether we do or not is not the point, at least to me.

I'm going to try to focus on the sadness of the fact that one family is gone, and two more have been torn apart. The unfortunate truth is that there was a lot of things in these situation sthat possibly could have been avoided... neither instance should have come to this. Because it did, Jessie Davis and the Benoit family have been reduced to another goddamn statistic.

God bless Jessie Davis.
God bless Jessie's baby.
God bless Daniel Benoit.
God bless Nancy Benoit.
God bless Chris Benoit.
May they rest in peace.

It's About Damn time...

2007-06-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

I saw the site my sister's children went to. This site is just plain cruel.

However, as for me, the following site reflects only one view:

A message for Detroit...

http://detroit.pistons.justgotowned.com

GO CAVS!!!!

Excuse me while I laugh my arse off...

2007-05-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

So the Cavaliers are in the playoffs, 2-0 in the second round against the Nets. Too bad they're not gonna get past Detroit.

And now, let me clear my throat...

SQUAWK! Paris Want A Pardon, Paris Want A Pardon
Paris Hilton has been sentenced to spend 45 days in jail for violating probation. Now, America's Favorite Heirhead has issued a petition begging for a pardon. What the hell does she need a pardon for?! Is she ever gonna get a job?!

I was seriously considering signing it until I read the damn thing. The petition says it goes out to "all fans and supporters and all that are outraged by injustice", and calls her someone who "provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to [most of] our otherwise mundane lives".

"Beauty and excitement to [most of] our otherwise mundane lives"?

Okay, lock her snooty bratchild ass up.

DUI 2: Electric Boogaloo
Somebody needs to charge "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" host Ty Pennington for metrosexualizing a man's domain (yeah, I know-- Oink Oink). But no, he too got popped for DUI. Unlike Paris, he cowgirled up and admitted that he screwed up. He's facing six months; but on the good side, ABC, which broadcasts the show, has adopted parent company Disney's "moral code" policy: No crime, no fornication, no fun.

Disney: MOVE THAT TY!

But She Told Me She Was Eighteen! I Swear!
Rapper Akon, the latest Flavor of the Month, has recently come under fire for doing a sexually explicit dance onstage with a 14-year-old girl. He has offered an apology to the teen and anyone else who was offended by the display.

I think he needs to apologize to R. Kelly also... that's gimmick infringement, Akon.

And to Michael Jackson, who obviously is shouting, "Little girls?! That's disgusting!"

OJ Gets Tossed
Jeff Ruby, the owner of an upscale steakhouse in Louisville, tossed O.J. Simpson-- disgraced football icon, author of OK I Did It, and one lucky sonofabitch-- from his restaurant the night before the Kentucky Derby because he is sickened by the attention Simpson still attracts (not to mention thathe, and the rest of America, knows that O.J. did it). "I didn't want to serve him because of my convictions of what he's done to those families," Ruby said in a telephone interview Tuesday. "The way he continues to torture the lives of those families... with his behavior, attitude and conduct."

Just admit it and take the perjury record, O.J.

Now.

And that will do it until I find some more people to rip on.

L8R.

BOOM.

2007-04-13T06:35:00.000-07:00

For my opening smart-ass remark:

And now, let’s get right to it…

I’m Not a Racist, That’s What’s So Insane About This… Imus! IMUS!*
*Apologies to Xoc

While stumbling across YouTube, I ran across a comment that stuck with me:

“The First Amendment was not created to protect speech that you like. The First Amendment was created to protect speech that annoys you.”

Yeah, but sometimes, you gotta watch what you say.

So, do I think Don Imus should be fired? No. There are people who have said much worse and have kept their jobs.

WTAM-AM’s Mike Trivisonno has declared April “White History Month”.
WMJI-FM’s John Lanigan has proven that he pretty much hates damn near everybody.
And do we need to get started on the King of All Media? (Oh, I’ll get to The Other Howard Stern in a minute.)

Imus was made an example of, plain and simple. That last sentence does not defend what he said. In a nearly thirty-year career in radio, and a public figure, Imus should have known goddamn better. Have we forgotten the tragedies of Michael Richards, Mel Gibson, and Jimmy the Greek?

When you’re a public figure, there is a loaded gun to your head. It is not wise to give anybody bullets.

Britney handed bullets to the media when she married K-Leech.
Michael Richards handed bullets to the internet when he couldn’t take being heckled.
Don Imus gave a loaded nuke to Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson when he commented on the Rutgers Women’s Basketball team.

Pull the trigger.

Boom.

I was not mad at all when Don Imus said what he said. Not at all. I’m mad over that BS apology. Cowboy up and say what you mean, unless you’re truly remorseful. Look at Natalie Maines. She dogged Dubya. And she never apologized. I have no clue if Imus was sincere or not.

Say what you want, just word it carefully.

At least Rutgers’ had the good sense to just say that Imus was wrong, instead of commenting on whether he should keep his job.

When It Comes To Six-Month Old Dannielynn…

The Other Howard (K.) Stern: You are not the father.
Mr. Zsa Zsa Gabor: You are not the father.
Lisa Nowak: You are not the father.
Kevin Federline: Just kidding.
Larry Birkhead: You are the golddigger father.
Now all of you, go away and leave Anna Nicole be.

Speaking Of Golddiggers…

Britney had to cough up $13 Million, half the proceeds of her house, child support, four days without her kids, and $1 Million to get rid of K-Leech. She shaved her head for a reason: she don’t want you no more.

Hopefully, the next time we hear about Kevin Freederloader is this: “Britney Spears has two children from a previous marriage.”

Not Another Scandal Already III:

Okay, Lisa Nowak. You’ve been found with a small armory. You drove 800 miles in a goddamn diaper to mace another woman. You’ve been fired by NASA. And now, they find eurpean currency, pills, and bondage photos on a disk in your car.

Bondage photos?!

Two Words: “Bondage Diapers”.

And that, gang, is what I mean by loaded guns and ammo.

My time’s up. Thanks for reading. Don’t blow it, Cavs.

Off the top of my head...

2007-03-03T04:07:00.000-08:00

So, Spring Training has started. WOO-HOO!

And yet another Cleveland Sports Team will fail us as they always do!

Give credit to the Tribe... at least they come to play, win or lose. They are the only Cleveland team, other than the Cavaliers, that I try not to deliberately insult.

And now, let me run my mouth...

NOT ANOTHER SCANDAL ALREADY (Part II):
Lisa Nowak still faces charges of attempted kidnapping with intent to inflict bodily harm, burglary with a weapon and battery. For those of you who have been subjected to the endless coverage of Anna Nicole (Oh, I'll get to her in a minute), Nowak is the astronaut who drove 800 miles non-stop to confront a supposed rival for her affections. She has pleaded not guilty.

You're found with a BB gun on your personal effects. You had weapons in the trunk. And don't get me started on the fact that you wore Depends for the trip. And you plead not guilty? What judge you know is going to let you off?! You can't plead insanity, because your attack was obviously planned, or seemed to be planned.

Jealousy's a hell of a drug. (Apologies to Rick James)

OK, OK, LET'S GET ANNA NICOLE OUT OF THE WAY
They finally decided where to bury Anna Nicole. Finally, now she can finally get some peace. Now The Other Howard Stern and Larry Birkhead (and the fifteen other guys claming to be one of the babydaddy$) can finally decide who the father of the baby is, settle the dispute with the Oil Tycoon, and leave that woman alone.

Please.

But, if you want to make this a media circus, I have an idea: Send TOHS and Larry (and the thirty other men) to Maury Povich, and get them tested, then broadcast the results for the world to see... and Maury to announce. (Insert obvious "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER" joke here.)

THE HELL WITH IT. I KNOW I WRONG FOR SAYING MOST OF THIS, BUT...
Dear Britney Spears,

I too celebrated when you turned 18. I debated your bust size with other people ("Real or Fake?" and I said, "Who cares? Look at her, dammit!"). I mourned when you married The Other Jason Alexander and later married Kevin Freederloader. I cheered when you gave K-Leech his walking papers (after he appeared on WWE Television). And I admit, I, like most men, were actively looking for your crotch shot. (At least yours didn't look as beat up as Paris Hilton's, but it was looking a little bit shagged out. Yeah, I said it.)

Yeah, you've had a difficult life. Justin bolted after he deflowered you. Your first marriage ended in 55 hours. You married a man who only loved your money (and only wants custody for that child support). You're hurting right now. We get it.

But the shaving of your head?

Britney, if you want to keep your kids and excise K-Fed-Ex, then whatever you're doing...

Stop, Britney.

Stop now.

Please.

POSTAGE IS ABOUT TO BE HIKED UP AGAIN TO 41 CENTS (AND LATER, 45 CENTS)
And that, gang, is why we have e-mail.

My time's up. Thanks for reading. Don't suck, Tribe.

Man Laws? MAN LAWS.

2007-02-12T00:52:00.000-08:00

This is the only blog I will ever make that is not in my own words...
My mother emailed me this...
I don't like doing bulletins, so this is going up as a blog...

(Originally Adapted 12 February, 2007)

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports! It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
***Subtle hints do not work!
***Strong hints do not work!
***Obvious hints do not work!
***JUST SAY IT!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something. Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color! Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong... We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.

Pass this to as many men as you can -to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

I'm back.
I had to share this one, it was so damn funny...
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
l8r

Oh, Dear Lord...

2007-02-09T22:41:00.000-08:00

Okay... there's a lot of things I want to get off my chest today. Let me get this one out of my system first...

Leave That Girl Alone!
Grown-ass men all over the world (I admit, myself included) are mourning the loss of model/actress/tabloid fodder Anna Nicole Smith. The coroner in Florida has announced that prescription drugs are in her system. That does not bother me. Now, it will take 3-5 weeks to determine the cause of her death. That also does not bother me.
What does bother me, however, is the fact that there were two grown-ass men who are fighting over her now five-month old daughter. Larry Birkhead, Smith's ex, claims that he is the father of the child. Smith's lawyer-turned-significant other Howard K. Stern (I call him the other Howard Stern) claims he is the father. And now, a third man is saying he's the father: Mr. Zsa Zsa Gabor, Prince Frederic von Anhalt.

You K-Fed leech bastards.

A kid's never gonna know her mother, and she's probably gonna grow up thinking, "Daddy only adopted me because of my mother's money"! A five-month old girl has no mother, and we're still having some goddamned babydaddy drama?! What's next?! K-Fed's gonna say he's the father?! Stop. Now. Resolve this quickly, and get the money out of the way; it's not an issue. Put that baby's well-being first! (And don't get me started on the Texas oil millionaire Anna Nicole married, because that's another story.)

And as for the selfish greedy sons of bitches who videotaped the paramedics working on her: Let Anna Nicole be (God rest her soul). Make your money elsewhere and leave her alone!

Rest in Peace, Anna Nicole Smith. You deserve it.

The Government Does it Again...
According to Wikipedia's article on (Daylight Savings Time [DST] )

DST commonly begins in the northern hemisphere on the last Sunday in March or the first Sunday in April and ends on the last Sunday in October. However, due to the U.S. Energy Policy Act of 2005, beginning in 2007, the United States will begin observing DST from the second Sunday in March until the first Sunday in November. (Studies will determine if this remains permanent.) Most of Canada will also observe the new period to avoid possible economic losses from confusion with the United States.

I hope to God that they allow technology to catch up on this. They've had two years, I have to download a patch right now.

Otherwise, thanks for nothing, Government...

Not Another Scandal Already (or "You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man"...)
I almost forgot about this one: Lisa Nowak, an astronaut, a mission specialist, and a Captain... In The Navy (pun intended), had it all going for her... and she threw it all away. Nowak was upset that Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman was apparently trying to go after the object of Nowak's desire, William Oefelein. Nowak drove all the way from Houston to Orlando (she wore an adult diaper for this "special" trip), caught up to Shipman, and sprayed mace on her so-called rival. Nowak was found with a trench coat, a black wig, a BB gun, a four-inch buck knife, a new steel mallet, black gloves, rubber tubing, plastic garbage bags and about $600 in her possession. At her hotel, authorities also searched her car and found: a letter written by Nowak which police said "indicated how much Mrs. Nowak loved Mr. Oefelein," along with latex gloves, opened packages for both a buck knife and pepper spray, an unused BB cartridge, handwritten directions to Shipman's house, copies of e-mails from Shipman to Oefelein, and extra adult diapers.

From an NASA Astronaut and a Navy Captain to a space cadet and a punchline with kidnapping and attempted murder charges all because of a jealousy bug?

Lisa Nowak, I hope it was worth it.

That's it for me, gang. I'm looking for that patch now...

Commentary: News of the Weird

2007-02-01T04:51:00.000-08:00

Excuse me for cutting to the chase already, but there are some things I need to get off my chest...

[oops]

For those who watch [adult swim] on Cartoon Network, you'll understand the title. The blip on the Time Warner juggernaut is getting publicity... albeit bad publicity. A publicity stunt promoting one of my favorite shows, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, went haywire. Seems someone at TW came up with the idea of using blinking electronic devices plugging the show. The idea was to place the devices at various points across the United States in ten random cities. Of those ten cities, Boston didn't think it was cute. In fact, it sent Beantown in a panic... especially since some of those devices were put on bridges. (Huh?!) Two people were arrested, TW apologized, but Boston is planning on going after TW.

And I don't blame them.

Look, you wanna plug a show, fine. More power to you. But to plant electronic devices at random areas? In a post-9/11 world?! Obviously, two words came to mind when they saw those devices: "Bin. Laden." TW called it a publicity stunt. Boston took it as a hoax. I'm with Boston on this, and TW should have known goddamn better. Suffice it to say, ATHF will be joining South Park on my "Shows I'm No Longer Watching" list. And if they don't get their shit together, I'm cutting [adult swim] out altogether.

The Man Sticks It Right Back

I read a disturbing article in Scene (http://www.clevescene.com) this week, and it's one more for The Establishment: The Man was under pressure for a recount of the 2004 Presidential election. The Man told three of its workers how they wanted their recount handled: pick 3% of the precincts voted, presort ballots according to leading candidates, so that witnesses can get it over with. But, The Man forgot it was illegal. The Man then remembered it was illegal. The Man convinced its ambulance chasers towards the three workers. Now, two of those three women, who did as The Man told them, were found guilty of negligent misconduct, and failure to perform their duties. The women were cleared of rigging the count, though.

Cold comfort.

The Man needed a fall guy, and got three in the process. Why couldn't The Man admit its mistake? "We screwed up, these women were doing what we told them to do." But instead, they got, "These women tried to rig an election because they didn't want a laborious recount." The decision-makers made themselves look like victims, and three of its loyal employees got the shaft as a result.

Our Tax Dollars At Work.

At The Risk of Angering My Niece (and the Harry Potter fanbase)...

PUT IT ON! PUT IT ALL BACK ON!
(sorry, not big on Potter)

And finally...
I'm looking forward to the Super Bowl this weekend. As soon as they get the football out of the way, we'll get on with the commercials. Like I said last post, screw the game, 'cause the Browns ain't in it.

But that's just me...

Goodnight, gang.

All-Nighter Musings...

2007-01-28T00:14:00.000-08:00

OK, gang, it's go time (more rambling on two hours sleep again):

Seattle Times' Static on "-ic" (what?)
If you'll click the link on the chapter, The Seattle Times is complaining about a gaffe made by President Bush (I'll get to him in a minute). Bush gave props to new Speaker of the House, Democrat Nancy Pelosi. After calling on the country to come together, he said, "I congratulate the Democrat majority," he said, dropping the last two letters from "Democratic". The article and the Democrats interviewed questioned Bush's gaffe: Freudian Slip, Brain Fart, or Intentional Cheapshot?

I may be a little bit off-base here, but you've got a guy sending 25,000 of our guys to fight a war (I stand by what I said) and you want to talk about what he meant?! Just get our troops home, now, OK? Give Iraq back to the people, like I said before, and get our people home! Then we can make fun of Bush all we want...

What Are You Doing This February 4th?
So Adam Vinatieri's going back to the Super Bowl... just not with the Pats. (Serves Belichick right.) So, what's going to happen? Will the Colts "Skin Da Bears"? Or will Chicago do the "Super Bowl Shuffle" like its 1985?! [Puns intended. Sorry.]

And my prediction is...

I don't give a damn. I really don't.

My beloved whipping boys, the Browns, failed our city like they always do, so I will be watching the Super Bowl merely for the commercials. And this year's halftime show. Prince is on this year, meaning all wardrobe malfunctions will be intentional. (I'm a Prince fan, but I had to say it.)

Whitney and Ray-J?!
The ink's not dry on Whitney's divorce to Bobby, and the 43-year old diva has already been linked to Brandy's 26-year old kid brother. Ray-J: I don't knock May-December romances; so, Ray-J... dammit, what about Halle?! Kirstie?! Vivica?! Cameron?! I'm not a big Whitney fan, which is why Ray-J should keep them in mind. Anyone but Whitney!

Thanks for Nothing, Heather Mills!

I'm not mad at her for allegedly settling with Sir Paul for $63,000,000. Far from it. What makes me mad is that she just gave K-Leech hope. Thanks for nothing, Heather.

And as for you, Brit-Brit...

Don't let Kevin Freeloaderline take you to the cleaners. Dump your crew (sorry, Paris), tidy your image (the panties have to stay on), or you'll be paying K-Mooch more than you did when you were married to him! And don't hive him even close to what Sir Paul gave Heather. Just give him a couple of C-Notes and send "Tom Arnold 2K6" back to obscurity where he belongs.

And Finally...

I've decided to make a few changes in the ol' blog. Mostly because I'm sick of using Talk$#!T. So for right now, it's going to be "My Imperfect World: Random Musings" until I can come up with a better name.

New name... same rants.

And still my not-so-humble opinion, and I'm stickin' to it.

Goodnight, love.

RAMBLE #2: SMALL F@#$ING WORLD

2007-01-19T09:13:00.000-08:00

Aw, man....

I'm speechless.

So I finally get to checking on my myspace page (http://www.myspace.com/fhb3) and I get a friend request. (Due to privacy issues, I'm omitting all names and handles.) Then I click on their name and...

"No," I say. "Couldn't be..." But once I see their user handle, I know exactly who they are!

You think about all your old friends and wonder what they're doing, and... they find you! Or you find them. Or whatever. But... that's the way it goes. (And they are all currently on my friends list as we speak.) You look back and think... "Okay, has anyone been where they wanted to be when they saw themselves ____ years ago". But, as long as everybody's happy and safe and alright, that's all that really matters, isn't it?

But, again, that's just my not-so-humble opinion.

An Open Letter To Our President (Or "My few cents on the 'war'")

2007-01-13T09:02:00.000-08:00

And now, a word to The President of the United States:

Disclaimer: Due to my express beliefs, this does in any way enforce a non-patriotic view. However, this needs to be said, so here we go:

21,500 troops.

How dare you.

Do you honestly think you're doing us a favor by sending 21,500 of our troops overseas to fight a pissing contest? You are making matters worse by endangering that many of our people to fight a meaningless war. As much as I hated the guys that actually won the elections (yes, I said elections), I feel that we were better off with them instead of you.

21,500 troops.

You lost my respect.

And I say this not out of anger, but of sadness. My sister is a reservist with the Army. My godson's 20-year old sister recently enlisted in the Marines. And I have friends in the military. So imagine what we're going through right now. I am scared as hell. Their number can come up any day, and off they go. Out of that 21,500 of our people, 17,500 are slated to go to Baghdad. They could be one of that few. As much as I support our troops, I cannot support this plan you have laid out.
And here's my opinion about the war:

As far as I'm concerned, the "War on Terror" is a goddamn pissing contest, plain and simple. Understandable, but unnecessary. My point, and I do have one, is simple: It should not have come to this, point blank. More troops are not the answer. Endangering our people is not the answer.

You found him, but you didn't find any WMDs.
One is gone, but you still can't find the other.
You've gone after terrorists, but at the cost of 3,000 (and counting, unfortunately) of our people.
You've taken back some of the oil, but gas is still expensive.
You've reminded everyone just who the hell we are. You put the rest of the free world in its place.
Our embassy in Athens was attacked, but you've made terrorists think twice about pulling some bullshit on our land.
You've proven that the United States of America is the baddest bunch of mofos walking God's Green Earth.
You've beaten your chest loudly and stomped the loudest.
You've made your point. USA is #1.
WE GET IT.
Get a withdrawal plan. Hand Iraq back to their people. Let them go about their business. We did our part, it's best to end it now.
And most importantly, bring our troops home. Now. Before something happens, and six months from now, you're saying "Things are not quite going as we expected..."
And that's what I think about the war.

But that's just me.

And Now... Deep Thoughts...

2007-01-05T04:59:00.000-08:00

Well, time for me to ramble on needlessly with a few thoughts...

"Soul Has Lost Its Home..." (title suggested by my nephew)
My nephew might be a little bit off the mark, but he does have a point: the loss of James Brown (on Christmas Day) leaves a void in the music world that's almost damn near impossible to fill. There are still some musicians that are ready to fill the already too large shoes, but he (like the Beatles) is just plain untouchable.

"If I Did It"
Why couldn't he just say, "OK, I Did It"?

America's Favorite Freeloader: Part Two
This past Monday on WWE RAW, John Cena put over K-Mooch at the start of the show. By the end, Cena gave Fed-Ex an F-U (Death Valley Driver). We know sports-entertainment is mostly predetermined, but everybody knows that slam hurt. Somewhere, Britney is smiling.

Send in the Clowns

The bottom line is gang, we ended 4-12. We've had enough time to stop being such a suck ass team. Sorry Romeo, the 3-4 ain't working. Get some decent players in here, or we just may have to look elsewhere. And if Bill Cowher decides to leave the Steelers (the rumors haven't been confirmed at the time of this blogging), maybe he can come back. OK, so he has a lot of work to do, but look at what he did for the Steelers. Triv is fuming...

But that's just me...

Random Musings

2006-11-08T04:42:00.000-08:00

And now, some random musings from a rambling braggart who just had only three hours of sleep...

Britney Spears Divorces Kevin Federline

Just one day after challenging current WWE Champion John Cena to a match on WWE RAW, America's Favorite Freeloader is slapped with divorce papers. Brit-Brit (the current future Mrs. Brown [if only; I can still dream]) denies Leechboy spousal support and is seeking full custody of the two kids produced in the union. Apparently, he's only getting $600,000 for two years of married bliss. Two Valuable Life Lessons are learned here today:

Shar Jackson was absolutely right about "K-Mooch" (apologies to Plain Dealer commentator Chuck Yarborough).
Britney Spears is, indeed, a John Cena fan.

There Goes Bar Night

Ohio becomes a smoke-free state as of January; this apparently means bars too. Damn. God is trying to tell me something: time to quit in January.

Say It Ain't So, Connie

Sherrod Brown [no relation] has won a seat in the U.S. Senate. The only reason I'm angry about this is because that means Connie Schultz, his wife, is apparently out of a job. There's no way in hell that she is going to return to The Plain Dealer as a commentator without the public talking shit. So while I'm happy that her old man won, it's out of selfishness that I'll miss her commentary terribly. But dammit hell, I hope that I'm wrong.

And Finally

Britney... Call me. (I can't be that lucky, John Cena probably beat me to it.)

BYE-BYE, SADDAM...

2006-11-05T22:18:00.000-08:00

THANK GOD.

Ding-Dong, The Bitch Is Dead.

OK, so he's scheduled to be lynched.

And now, Yahoo is saying that the world is divided on Ol' maddaS' sentencing. Half of them say that this is not the way the new Iraq should be; the other half says "tell that to the thousands he killed."

As much as I want to see the sumbitch hung, I think it's not enough.

Send him to an American prison. That way, what he did to the people he killed, people on Death Row can do to him. And I hope they get a medal for icing Sadaam.

Rot in hell, Sadaam. Rot in hell, along with the horse you rode in on.

And for those of you who had the audacity to say, "The hanging of Saddam Hussein will turn to hell for the Americans... the American people will be in more danger with the death of Saddam..." Bring. It. On.

Ain't nothing changed...

2006-10-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

Don't think for one second that I got all serious on everybody...

I uploaded this to MySpace.com

More Irresponsible Than a Failed Proposal...

2006-10-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

And everybody who reads my posts thinks that I'm bad...

You should get a gander at Cocaine Energy Drink.

These cretins are only asking for trouble. At the risk of sounding like a maniacal old "fuddy-duddy" (I'm 31), why in the hell would you name anything after drug? After watching an article on WOIO-TV (for those that live outside Clevo), we were all asking the same question.

Granted, Cocaine (the energy drink) may not contain cocaine (the drug), but isn't that sending the wrong message?! YOU DON'T NAME AN ENERGY DRINK AFTER CONTROLLED SUBSTANCES. Period. At drinkcocaine.com's FAQ page, alias Rumors, when asked if "Does Cocaine contain cocaine", they said "No, we don't advocate drug use."

Um...

They claim not to advocate drug abuse. Then... can somebody explain to me, why would you call your energy drink "Cocaine"?! Why refer to stores as "Dealers?!" and "Suppliers?" And you claim to not advocate drug abuse. Yeah, right.

I almost believed them.

Good Lord! What is this world coming to?!

2006-10-14T06:54:00.000-07:00

Start HERE

Unbelieveable.
I mean, wow... what sick bastard would wipe out an entire family? I heard on the news this morning that even the kids "received their own bullet", as police put it. Why?
Chalk this up as another reason why the human race is going to hell.
It's bad enough that you kill somebody, but kids?! And, the worst is, it looks like somebody did it for sport.
I'll digress on this later. Right now, I'm gonna go to bed, pray for this family, and pray that the sonofabitch gets his.

Reprinted from blog.myspace.com/fhb3

2006-10-07T01:59:00.000-07:00

The following is a complete and expanded recap of my second blog on my own myspace.com page. Just a little bit about me, that's all.

And on that note, this is a mock interview!

How do you think President Bush is doing?
I think Bush is a liar. All politicians are liars. They all say shit to get into office, and then they never do what they say they're going to do… until their terms expire. John Grisham said in his novel "The Brethren" that nobody ever wants anything from the President until it's his last year in office. Have you ever noticed that? Have you ever noticed that no politician has done anything until their last few months in office? I promise you, everyone who has ever shat on Bush will be riding his dick during the last year of his term.
As for the war, yeah, we showed the world who's in charge. We get it, Bush 2 Electric Boogaloo. We told 'em all not to screw with our oil. We couldn't find Osonof Bitch Laden, so we took it out on Ol' maddaS. We beat our chests the loudest, we proved that you don't mess with the USA. WE. GET. IT. Now get our damn troops home before you kill more of our soldiers to soothe your ego.

What is your opinion of Bill Clinton?

I lost all respect for him when he admitted to getting a blowjob from Monica Lewinsky. Quite frankly, he settled.

[WARNING: The following next few lines... okay, the rest of this blog is going to offend people, so if you are offended by all of this, from the bottom of my heart, I say to you... so what?] You're the President of the United States, the leader of the goddamn free world, and you're gonna settle for a goddamned blowjob?! ALl that pussy you could have gotten, and you settle for some goddamned blowjob... You should have told Monica to get on that desk, drop them panties, spread her sweet goodness, and take this Presidential Log!
Now, if I was an intern, it'd be a riot. Because I'm telling you right now I would have buried my face in Hillary's goodness. And I would have boned Chelsea. I would have knocked up a mother and a daughter. 'Course I'm gonna get executed, but dammit, I can at least say I bagged the First Lady and the First Daughter.

Protection or none?
I have four kids. You're goddamned right I'll wear a condom.

Favorite Musical Preference?
None of that new age crap.

I Stay Home to Watch…Viva La Bam, and MTV2's Sic'Emation block. That shit's funny as hell. Oh yeah, RAW AND SmackDown! are a must, too.

You're stranded on a desert island, and the only movies you're allowed to have are Brokeback Mountain or Queer as Folk. Which one would you watch?
I would choose death.

That cunning linguist Colonel Angus wants to know: Ann Curry with a yeast infection or Katie Couric on her period?
Look, I can't handle these life-altering decisions. Do I have to choose?

If you could bone any woman in the world for thirty seconds, it would be…I would give my left testicle for Halle Berry. Even if she said, "28… 29… 30… THAT'S ENOUGH!", I can say, "I did Halle Berry!"

M.I.L.F.:
I have two, actually:

1.) Pamela Anderson. 'Nuff Said.

2.) A friend of mine in Lakewood. She has school-age children that stay down the street from my crew. If she reads this, she's goddamned right I'm serious.

Anything else you want to say?
Yeah. My lady friend can hit me up anytime.

AWK. WARD.

2006-10-07T01:20:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to say...
I mean, I only signed on just to ask a columnist to marry me (I know she won't, and it's a damn shame she won't), and now I find myself writing a blog?

Well, some of you are asking what is the point of my blogs? None. I just say whatever is on my mind. You can agree or not, just as long as you read on. So, on occasion, get ready to ride...

Oh yeah, GO BROWNS!... straight to hell.