Friday, February 09, 2007

Oh, Dear Lord...

Okay... there's a lot of things I want to get off my chest today. Let me get this one out of my system first...

Leave That Girl Alone!
Grown-ass men all over the world (I admit, myself included) are mourning the loss of model/actress/tabloid fodder Anna Nicole Smith. The coroner in Florida has announced that prescription drugs are in her system. That does not bother me. Now, it will take 3-5 weeks to determine the cause of her death. That also does not bother me.
What does bother me, however, is the fact that there were two grown-ass men who are fighting over her now five-month old daughter. Larry Birkhead, Smith's ex, claims that he is the father of the child. Smith's lawyer-turned-significant other Howard K. Stern (I call him the other Howard Stern) claims he is the father. And now, a third man is saying he's the father: Mr. Zsa Zsa Gabor, Prince Frederic von Anhalt.

You K-Fed leech bastards.

A kid's never gonna know her mother, and she's probably gonna grow up thinking, "Daddy only adopted me because of my mother's money"! A five-month old girl has no mother, and we're still having some goddamned babydaddy drama?! What's next?! K-Fed's gonna say he's the father?! Stop. Now. Resolve this quickly, and get the money out of the way; it's not an issue. Put that baby's well-being first! (And don't get me started on the Texas oil millionaire Anna Nicole married, because that's another story.)

And as for the selfish greedy sons of bitches who videotaped the paramedics working on her: Let Anna Nicole be (God rest her soul). Make your money elsewhere and leave her alone!

Rest in Peace, Anna Nicole Smith. You deserve it.

The Government Does it Again...
According to Wikipedia's article on (Daylight Savings Time [DST] )

DST commonly begins in the northern hemisphere on the last Sunday in March or the first Sunday in April and ends on the last Sunday in October. However, due to the U.S. Energy Policy Act of 2005, beginning in 2007, the United States will begin observing DST from the second Sunday in March until the first Sunday in November. (Studies will determine if this remains permanent.) Most of Canada will also observe the new period to avoid possible economic losses from confusion with the United States.

I hope to God that they allow technology to catch up on this. They've had two years, I have to download a patch right now.

Otherwise, thanks for nothing, Government...

Not Another Scandal Already (or "You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man"...)
I almost forgot about this one: Lisa Nowak, an astronaut, a mission specialist, and a Captain... In The Navy (pun intended), had it all going for her... and she threw it all away. Nowak was upset that Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman was apparently trying to go after the object of Nowak's desire, William Oefelein. Nowak drove all the way from Houston to Orlando (she wore an adult diaper for this "special" trip), caught up to Shipman, and sprayed mace on her so-called rival. Nowak was found with a trench coat, a black wig, a BB gun, a four-inch buck knife, a new steel mallet, black gloves, rubber tubing, plastic garbage bags and about $600 in her possession. At her hotel, authorities also searched her car and found: a letter written by Nowak which police said "indicated how much Mrs. Nowak loved Mr. Oefelein," along with latex gloves, opened packages for both a buck knife and pepper spray, an unused BB cartridge, handwritten directions to Shipman's house, copies of e-mails from Shipman to Oefelein, and extra adult diapers.

From an NASA Astronaut and a Navy Captain to a space cadet and a punchline with kidnapping and attempted murder charges all because of a jealousy bug?

Lisa Nowak, I hope it was worth it.

That's it for me, gang. I'm looking for that patch now...


Me said...

Amen about that Anna Nicole shit dude. I created a post and tore her to pieces. The magnitude of the media coverage is just embarrassing as an American.

Erin O'Brien said...

Felix, you are da bomb. The world needs more Felixes.

Felix. Felix. Felix. Happy. Happy. Happy.