Random Musings

And now, some random musings from a rambling braggart who just had only three hours of sleep...

Britney Spears Divorces Kevin Federline

Just one day after challenging current WWE Champion John Cena to a match on WWE RAW, America's Favorite Freeloader is slapped with divorce papers. Brit-Brit (the current future Mrs. Brown [if only; I can still dream]) denies Leechboy spousal support and is seeking full custody of the two kids produced in the union. Apparently, he's only getting $600,000 for two years of married bliss. Two Valuable Life Lessons are learned here today:

1. Shar Jackson was absolutely right about "K-Mooch" (apologies to Plain Dealer commentator Chuck Yarborough).
2. Britney Spears is, indeed, a John Cena fan.

There Goes Bar Night

Ohio becomes a smoke-free state as of January; this apparently means bars too. Damn. God is trying to tell me something: time to quit in January.

Say It Ain't So, Connie

Sherrod Brown [no relation] has won a seat in the U.S. Senate. The only reason I'm angry about this is because that means Connie Schultz, his wife, is apparently out of a job. There's no way in hell that she is going to return to The Plain Dealer as a commentator without the public talking shit. So while I'm happy that her old man won, it's out of selfishness that I'll miss her commentary terribly. But dammit hell, I hope that I'm wrong.

And Finally

Britney... Call me. (I can't be that lucky, John Cena probably beat me to it.)

BYE-BYE, SADDAM...

THANK GOD.

Ding-Dong, The Bitch Is Dead.

OK, so he's scheduled to be lynched.

And now, Yahoo is saying that the world is divided on Ol' maddaS' sentencing. Half of them say that this is not the way the new Iraq should be; the other half says "tell that to the thousands he killed."

As much as I want to see the sumbitch hung, I think it's not enough.

Send him to an American prison. That way, what he did to the people he killed, people on Death Row can do to him. And I hope they get a medal for icing Sadaam.

Rot in hell, Sadaam. Rot in hell, along with the horse you rode in on.

And for those of you who had the audacity to say, "The hanging of Saddam Hussein will turn to hell for the Americans... the American people will be in more danger with the death of Saddam..." Bring. It. On.

Ain't nothing changed...

Don't think for one second that I got all serious on everybody...


I uploaded this to MySpace.com

More Irresponsible Than a Failed Proposal...

And everybody who reads my posts thinks that I'm bad...



You should get a gander at Cocaine Energy Drink.


These cretins are only asking for trouble. At the risk of sounding like a maniacal old "fuddy-duddy" (I'm 31), why in the hell would you name anything after drug? After watching an article on WOIO-TV (for those that live outside Clevo), we were all asking the same question.

Granted, Cocaine (the energy drink) may not contain cocaine (the drug), but isn't that sending the wrong message?! YOU DON'T NAME AN ENERGY DRINK AFTER CONTROLLED SUBSTANCES. Period. At drinkcocaine.com's FAQ page, alias Rumors, when asked if "Does Cocaine contain cocaine", they said "No, we don't advocate drug use."


Um...


They claim not to advocate drug abuse. Then... can somebody explain to me, why would you call your energy drink "Cocaine"?! Why refer to stores as "Dealers?!" and "Suppliers?" And you claim to not advocate drug abuse. Yeah, right.

I almost believed them.

Good Lord! What is this world coming to?!

Start HERE

Unbelieveable.
I mean, wow... what sick bastard would wipe out an entire family? I heard on the news this morning that even the kids "received their own bullet", as police put it. Why?
Chalk this up as another reason why the human race is going to hell.
It's bad enough that you kill somebody, but kids?! And, the worst is, it looks like somebody did it for sport.
I'll digress on this later. Right now, I'm gonna go to bed, pray for this family, and pray that the sonofabitch gets his.

Reprinted from blog.myspace.com/fhb3

The following is a complete and expanded recap of my second blog on my own myspace.com page. Just a little bit about me, that's all.

And on that note, this is a mock interview!

How do you think President Bush is doing?
I think Bush is a liar. All politicians are liars. They all say shit to get into office, and then they never do what they say they're going to do… until their terms expire. John Grisham said in his novel "The Brethren" that nobody ever wants anything from the President until it's his last year in office. Have you ever noticed that? Have you ever noticed that no politician has done anything until their last few months in office? I promise you, everyone who has ever shat on Bush will be riding his dick during the last year of his term.
As for the war, yeah, we showed the world who's in charge. We get it, Bush 2 Electric Boogaloo. We told 'em all not to screw with our oil. We couldn't find Osonof Bitch Laden, so we took it out on Ol' maddaS. We beat our chests the loudest, we proved that you don't mess with the USA. WE. GET. IT. Now get our damn troops home before you kill more of our soldiers to soothe your ego.

What is your opinion of Bill Clinton?

I lost all respect for him when he admitted to getting a blowjob from Monica Lewinsky. Quite frankly, he settled.

[WARNING: The following next few lines... okay, the rest of this blog is going to offend people, so if you are offended by all of this, from the bottom of my heart, I say to you... so what?] You're the President of the United States, the leader of the goddamn free world, and you're gonna settle for a goddamned blowjob?! ALl that pussy you could have gotten, and you settle for some goddamned blowjob... You should have told Monica to get on that desk, drop them panties, spread her sweet goodness, and take this Presidential Log!
Now, if I was an intern, it'd be a riot. Because I'm telling you right now I would have buried my face in Hillary's goodness. And I would have boned Chelsea. I would have knocked up a mother and a daughter. 'Course I'm gonna get executed, but dammit, I can at least say I bagged the First Lady and the First Daughter.

Protection or none?
I have four kids. You're goddamned right I'll wear a condom.

Favorite Musical Preference?
None of that new age crap.

I Stay Home to Watch…Viva La Bam, and MTV2's Sic'Emation block. That shit's funny as hell. Oh yeah, RAW AND SmackDown! are a must, too.

You're stranded on a desert island, and the only movies you're allowed to have are Brokeback Mountain or Queer as Folk. Which one would you watch?
I would choose death.

That cunning linguist Colonel Angus wants to know: Ann Curry with a yeast infection or Katie Couric on her period?
Look, I can't handle these life-altering decisions. Do I have to choose?

If you could bone any woman in the world for thirty seconds, it would be…I would give my left testicle for Halle Berry. Even if she said, "28… 29… 30… THAT'S ENOUGH!", I can say, "I did Halle Berry!"

M.I.L.F.:
I have two, actually:

1.) Pamela Anderson. 'Nuff Said.

2.) A friend of mine in Lakewood. She has school-age children that stay down the street from my crew. If she reads this, she's goddamned right I'm serious.

Anything else you want to say?
Yeah. My lady friend can hit me up anytime.

AWK. WARD.

I don't know what to say...
I mean, I only signed on just to ask a columnist to marry me (I know she won't, and it's a damn shame she won't), and now I find myself writing a blog?

Well, some of you are asking what is the point of my blogs? None. I just say whatever is on my mind. You can agree or not, just as long as you read on. So, on occasion, get ready to ride...

Oh yeah, GO BROWNS!... straight to hell.