And on that note, this is a mock interview!
How do you think President Bush is doing?
I think Bush is a liar. All politicians are liars. They all say shit to get into office, and then they never do what they say they're going to do… until their terms expire. John Grisham said in his novel "The Brethren" that nobody ever wants anything from the President until it's his last year in office. Have you ever noticed that? Have you ever noticed that no politician has done anything until their last few months in office? I promise you, everyone who has ever shat on Bush will be riding his dick during the last year of his term.
As for the war, yeah, we showed the world who's in charge. We get it, Bush 2 Electric Boogaloo. We told 'em all not to screw with our oil. We couldn't find Osonof Bitch Laden, so we took it out on Ol' maddaS. We beat our chests the loudest, we proved that you don't mess with the USA. WE. GET. IT. Now get our damn troops home before you kill more of our soldiers to soothe your ego.
What is your opinion of Bill Clinton?
I lost all respect for him when he admitted to getting a blowjob from Monica Lewinsky. Quite frankly, he settled.
[WARNING: The following next few lines... okay, the rest of this blog is going to offend people, so if you are offended by all of this, from the bottom of my heart, I say to you... so what?] You're the President of the United States, the leader of the goddamn free world, and you're gonna settle for a goddamned blowjob?! ALl that pussy you could have gotten, and you settle for some goddamned blowjob... You should have told Monica to get on that desk, drop them panties, spread her sweet goodness, and take this Presidential Log!
Now, if I was an intern, it'd be a riot. Because I'm telling you right now I would have buried my face in Hillary's goodness. And I would have boned Chelsea. I would have knocked up a mother and a daughter. 'Course I'm gonna get executed, but dammit, I can at least say I bagged the First Lady and the First Daughter.
Protection or none?
I have four kids. You're goddamned right I'll wear a condom.
Favorite Musical Preference?
None of that new age crap.
I Stay Home to Watch…Viva La Bam, and MTV2's Sic'Emation block. That shit's funny as hell. Oh yeah, RAW AND SmackDown! are a must, too.
You're stranded on a desert island, and the only movies you're allowed to have are Brokeback Mountain or Queer as Folk. Which one would you watch?
I would choose death.
That cunning linguist Colonel Angus wants to know: Ann Curry with a yeast infection or Katie Couric on her period?
Look, I can't handle these life-altering decisions. Do I have to choose?
If you could bone any woman in the world for thirty seconds, it would be…I would give my left testicle for Halle Berry. Even if she said, "28… 29… 30… THAT'S ENOUGH!", I can say, "I did Halle Berry!"
I have two, actually:
1.) Pamela Anderson. 'Nuff Said.
2.) A friend of mine in Lakewood. She has school-age children that stay down the street from my crew. If she reads this, she's goddamned right I'm serious.
Anything else you want to say?
Yeah. My lady friend can hit me up anytime.